Not Everyone is Fifty Shades

Ok, so Fifty Shades came out and made all kinds of money in the theatre. Nevermind the fact that it was a bad book and the movie was just as bad, but all of a sudden everyone's into BDSM?

The amount of messages in my inbox that are related to "subs" and "bottoms" and "tops" and "doms" is out of control.

Just because the movie got a lot of hype doesn't mean that your brand of freakiness is widely accepted and that I now want to piss on your face. Understand that this movie was a getaway for all those horny housewives out there, who are tired of "vanilla sex" with their significant other. It's a dirty Danielle Steele novel. Strip away the sex - which I did after a few chapters - and the storyline is lacking. Just because La Senza is now selling PG whips and blindfolds, doesn't mean that we're all waiting in line to be submissives. Also...You are not a billionaire!! If Christian Grey was real, I highly doubt he would spend his time trolling the free dating apps, putting all of his nasty business in the first message.

You know I have examples, right!!

And...

One more...

Sorry, one more...

I feel like there are dating sites that specialize in this type of freaky. I mean, there are dating sites that cater to everything these days. So, why send out these weird messages to a whole bunch of people that are probably not into it anyways. Unless, you've already been banned from those sites too....

It's My Dick in a Blur!!!

I know I've been gone for awhile. I actually deleted all of my profiles from all sites. Long story, for another day. However, I did recently get a message from OKC that asked if I wanted to become a moderator.  So much fun!! I came across this and I decided to share because, I need to. The main question I want you to ask yourself as you peruse through these specimens is, "WHO TOOK THESE PICTURES?"

How you can achieve this look for your dating profile:

1. Take off your clothes
2. Grease yourself up
3. Get someone (?) to take your picture
4. Create a unnecessarily large blur spot that doesn't quite cover all.

Note: Make sure that the blur starts somewhere on your navel so that it seems like you need a very big blur when you really don't.

Here are a few more examples:

 Is this a thing that old people do on their profiles? Choke the chicken?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Nobody wants to see that!!!! Noooooobody. Also, the whole internet can see these pictures and do what they want with them. Why is your face in any of these? The greased up guy's profile says he has kids!!! They must be so proud.