Peter Pan Syndrome

I am growing very weary of this Peter Pan syndrome. The havoc that it has wreaked can be compared to that of a genocide in that it is responsible for the death of the respectable gentleman. It attacks no one else, not the child or the woman. Millions of men have fallen victim to it's persuasion and have either never found or lost the loves of their lives as a result. Left only to roam the streets and clubs in ensembles of Southpole jeans and doo-rags or backwards-turned caps and overpriced "vintage" t-shirts. It's really depressing to see them and know that once they could have been the greatest joy in some one's life, only to be relegated to being the butt of most of my jokes.

Most of us women have become all to familiar with this syndrome. Some of you poor souls are married to a man who is suffering from it right now. What is it exactly? The fear of growing up and gaining responsibilities. Here are some symptoms:

• the refusal to admit their real age (ie. they've been 29 for the last 10 years)
• trying to pickup girls who are at least 10 years their junior
• when they are lucky enough to find this poor girl, they cheat on them with some old tired hag with slack breasts, because they believe that they have game like that... still.. in their 40's
• they join blackplanet.com (although it's not popular or cool anymore) at the age of 55, claiming they are 45 and try to pick up the 22 year olds (Eww, believe me, it has happened to me many times)
• in lieu of the concerns that they should be having for a man their age (ie. saving money in RRSPs for their first home or just saving money period) they buy PS3s and the newest Blackberry and Jordans (like shoes are really a collectors item to anyone outside their group of fellow losers. You never see women trying to collect Jimmy Choos or Louboutins!! We make sure we wear them, to be seen in them!!)
• they don't leave their parent's house until they have found someone else to take care of them, normally a naive wife who believes she can "change" them
• they get very depressed when they try to do the things that they did when they were in their prime and they hear muscles groan, joints cracking and they are stiff with soreness the next day. They are realizing that, although they may tell the world (excluding the government) that they are 29, their body is actually 35. Whether they like it or not.
• they're great with kids because they share the same mentality and level of maturity
• they float from one meaningless job to another or they leave a perfectly good job to "find themselves", behind the fryer in a fast food restaurant (if you're lucky) or on your couch for a few months (if you're me) or a few years (if you're a fool/sucker)

Unfortunately for this dying breed... and I say dying breed because most of them either waited too long to have children or their children want nothing to do with them because they are ashamed.. or they think it's contagious... they realized far too late the error of their ways. When they are ready to settle down and get what some of their friends have, no respectable girl will have them. Their refusal to grow up and accept the responsibilities that come with life clouded their vision. They realize that you can't start a family with a woman their own age, a 50 year old woman. Their seed has been wasted in condoms or fooled by birth control pills, or, for most of them, spilled on their countless keyboards in the fall of their pathetic lives.

I have seen the Peter Pan syndrome ruin the best of men. It normally strikes them around 25 when they realized that they can't go for 5 rounds of sex in one night anymore. Or a younger man beats him in his best game and he can't even run long/fast enough to beat the crap out of him. Or that they are on the 9-5 grind in a job that they don't want to admit might be theirs for the rest of their life and they should have been a rapper. "But I'm only 28! There's still time for me to join the NBA!! I'm only as old as I feel."

The biggest tragedy in this whole ordeal, is that they will ruin the next generation too if their propaganda is allowed to be spewed unchecked by loving mothers who have had enough. They will poison the younger generation and say, "don't get married, it's nothing but a thankless job","Look at your mother and I. We're not happy." But he will leave out the reasons why: Because his wife got tired of his bullshit and decided she would be better on her own with a set of rechargeable AA batteries. At least the batteries are guaranteed to perform night after night without fail. She decided that she didn't want to be his common law wife anymore. Sickened at that the fact that she has only gained that title because the law says so, not because he gave her that title with a ring and professions of love. And this is why this generation, and the generation to follow, will have the largest numbers of common-law partnerships. Women will settle for it or convince themselves that this is actually what they want as well, for the sakes of their own sanity.

I actually thought that the fact that, even Jay-Z, finally got married, would actually help my cause. But I completely forgot that he's 40!! He's a old ass man with a 28 year old fine ass wife. He is actually perpetuating the disease!! He is a damning example that will elicit hopes that you can have all the hoes and bitches that you want in your youth and a young, successful vixen will still want you when you're old, fat, burdened with baby-mamas and possibly full of STDs.

I'm sorry, I'm really depressed at my prospects for my future. I might just go out and get a few cats so I can get a headstart. Start practicing my inane ramblings in the mirror. Tonight I mourn the loss of a generation of men who are afraid to grow up and hope that I find one that was able to take off his juvenile blindfold and see marriage and aging for what is really is.. an acquired taste from which you reap what you sow.