Who's Suit Is That?

I'm going to assume that you couldn't afford that suit or you would have taken a picture of yourself when you got home. The bad pictures continue.

Update: Prospect Disappeared, OKCupid Appeared instead

This was supposed to be posted a real long time ago but here's a update to the fabled prospect.

So, despite the fact that I didn't bother to go to the hair dressers, I decided to schedule a date with my last prospect. We decided to meet up on a Saturday.

Then, after all of that carrying on and wooing, the man just chickened out and stopped replying on the day of the date. Like, what the hell? Who does that?

I didn't sign on again for awhile as I felt like that site was filled with losers and perverts. After a few weeks I decided to bury my cynicism and try, try again. So, I opened up a profile on.... OKCupid. They have a bit of a different style there. They ask you quite a few questions and you can choose to answer them and rate how important the answer is to you. Some of them are very serious, religious or politically based; others are really silly and I'm not sure why anyone would care. I like it because it allows me to get a grasp on who I'm talking to you. They use them to rate how much of a match you are. Questions like:

How long would you have to talk to someone online before you felt comfortable to meet?

Would you leave an otherwise perfect relationship if you found out your partner was interested in children sexually?

Is interracial marriage a bad idea?

Would you go out with a smoker?

How much influence or control do your parents have over your life?

Does smoking disgust you?

How frequently do you bathe or shower?

Some of them are not so useful and some are downright weird:

Could you imagine yourself killing someone?

How often do you masturbate?

Have you ever ridden a horse?

What's your favorite kind of popcorn when you’re at home watching movies?

Which is worse: starving children or abused animals?

Which is bigger? The earth or The sun 

You'd be surprised how many people got that wrong. Actually, put that last question in the useful pile. Cause if you didn't get that right, I have no respect for you. Today, this man found me:

However, our match profile says this:

This man is almost guaranteed to be my enemy. How can a body so nice, be my enemy? Also, note the tab on the bottom right, normally it says, "The Two of Us." Now it says, "Y'all Got Issues." Truer words have never been spoken. Such a shame though. Why are all the good bodies attached to douches?

Do you want to be my sister?

Found a strange message today on OKCupid. Accompanied by a picture of some struggling abs and no face, I found the following message in my inbox:

Hey, 

How are you? I realize that that this will quite forward but i was just wondering if perhaps you would consider becoming my sister? Just to clarify, this request is sincere so I appreciate you taking this time to read it. I look forward to hearing back from you soon. Take care! 

I was intrigued... So I responded with the following:

Hi, just so that I understand, you're on this site to find a sibling?

I like how he said, "just to clarify" and it clarified nothing.

Yes! Well, this is a very different, unique, unusual, and most importantly open minded thought i had, plus i dont actually have any sisters and i've always wanted one. So as a result i came up with this special sort of relationship where it could be possible to be brother and sister even though we are obviously not blood related. I would NOT want this to be just some online thing and as well, i would want to eventually become extremely close. What do you think? 

Sounds like lyrics to me. Which is kinda nasty cause you'd want me to be like your sister and then you'd try to sleep with me. That would mean you want to sleep with.. your sister? I'm confused. It's possible that he's being sincere but with that being said, the only picture he has up is:

Is that how you try to attract a sibling? I call bullshit and shenanigans. I think he meant to say he's looking for A sister; like a chocolate lady. Lol

I Want Your Feet

That's his username, IWantYourFeet. I can't see this turning out to be very productive, but I'll open the message.

 "I wish I could rub your feet." Keep wishing. Let's click on the picture...

Access denied. Look, it was denied before I clicked on the picture. You look like you want to cut my feet off and keep them in a jar and THEN rub them from time to time. This isn't the first time he's messaged me either. Remember when I asked you to remove the whole online aspect with other opening lines? Add this one to the list. If some one walked up to me on the street and said this, I would run for the hills.

I had to shut him down. If he's upset, I'm sure his mom will console him; she's probably downstairs, as this is her house, or possibly upstairs if he has a snazzy basement apartment. Lol

Is that a towel?

Is it? Or is it a really plain kilt? I'm just saying, if it's a kilt, I don't wanna be insensitive. I don't think it is. Either way, this man is doing the chicken strut, in a towel, on somebody's deck... and that's his main picture. Pickins are getting MIGHTY slim.

Good News!!

.. Someone actually reads my blog!! Sike!! You thought I had a date. Yea, this one person who's at home on maternity leave is quite upset that I haven't given her anything to read lately.

In other news, POF has decided that it doesn't want people sending me nasty messages anymore. I received a message from Markus, don't get excited, he's the site creator; he says:

1. Any first contact between users that contains sexual references will not be sent. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will be deleted without warning. This rule has actually been in effect since last month and it's made the site so much better.

Hallelujah the internet gods are listening. I was getting real tired of people telling me how much they wanted to go downtown on my taco. It really seems as though the whole internet aspect removes all of the manners that you would be forced to have in an actual meeting. Could you imagine a man walking up to you and saying,

Hey what up? Just curious what do u thin of guys in speedos/thongs?

Or how about,

I'd pay a lot of money to go down on you

Would you not scream out, "Pervert!" and look for the nearest police officer? Why is it any different on the internet? And truthfully, what kind of girl would actually respond to that kind of message? I'll tell you what kind, the one who would write the following,

OMG, it's so nice to meet a guy who's not afraid of a genital wart. They're not too bad today so when do you want to meet up?

2. You can only contact people +/- 14 years of your age. There is no reason for a 50 year old man to contact a 18 year old women. The majority of messages sent outside those age ranges are all about hookups. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will get deleted.

First off, there's a spelling mistake in there. Can you find it? I didn't put it there, it was like that when I copied it. I always find it extra funny when large companies send out mass messages with spelling mistakes in them. But back to the point, this is another example of a scenario that would send off alarm bells in real life. If a 50 year old man came up to an 18 year old... Actually, most people might not bat an eye because they might assume it's her father. That is until he asks her how she feels about speedos and thongs and she slaps him across the face.

Thanks Markus, I appreciate the updates, now if only they could weed out the messages with spelling mistakes...

I'll try to post at least once a week for those of you who need something to read.