Cool 90's Up-in-the-Front Hair

Yes, it's been awhile. Not because I didn't have anything to write about, but because adulting, that's why.

We left off with the fellow that I've come to know as Cool-90's-Up-in-the-Front-Hair dude; because that's the hairstyle that he had in his profile pictures. For those of my readers who are too young to know the hairstyle I'm referring to:

It becomes a pivotal point later in the story. I'll just call him Mr. Heeeeeeyyyyyyy, for short.

When I last posted, it was the weekend and I was in the throes of a very, very.... mild cold. It was seriously weak, people. It could have been confused for allergies. Mr. Heeeeeeyyyyyy wanted to know what I was up to... like all the time. I'll be honest, I wasn't really feeling the guy at this point, at least not at that moment, so I told him that I was near death with this cold. Here is a transcript of said convo:

4:34PM

Heyy

Hey

Whatcha up to hun

Sleeping all day :(

Lucky you

Not really.

5:46PM

What u doing tonight

Still sleeping. Feeling really tired.

Sorry

Don't be. 

Why is he sorry? No idea. Probably the Canadian in him. Lol. Honestly, if I was too sick to deal with whatever thirsty plan you had for the weekend at 4:30, I'm not sure why I wouldn't be an hour later. Buddy is starting to annoy me now. And then all of the shit hit all of the fans, when he decides to send me a picture of him with a "fresh shave"; as if to blow the sickness away with his bathroom selfie skills. It did not work. I looked at the picture and I nearly tripped over my own feet on the way to the kitchen.

The man looked like either one of two things happened: either he took those pictures a loooong time ago, or they were taken not too long ago and time hadn't been very kind to him. Compared to his profile pics, the man looked haggard and his hairline looked like it had sounded a full retreat back to the base... of the neck. I've come to the conclusion that those pictures were probably taken in the 90's. This fully explained the dated hairstyles throughout his profile.

I know that we all don't like everything about ourselves, but you can't start out your relationships with a lie because of that. So you're losing your hair. Own it and learn how to love yourself as you are. Or, get one of those new man-weaves that I've been seeing online. Me, I wouldn't prefer to date a guy with a man-weave. I can be picky about that because I don't wear weaves. I think it's only fair that if I don't wear weaves, my man shouldn't either. Weaves are expensive and you can't run your fingers through them.

Real talk, you also can't just pick the era where you felt you looked your best and use those photos as your profile pictures. If that was the case, our profiles would all have high school/college photos in them. Personally, I'd choose college.

While I realize that this isn't as bad as fully catfishing someone, it was still pretty far off from what I was expecting. I should get all of the brownie points though, because I was nice to him in my response; knowing full well that the thoughts of ghosting, had become full plans.

The plans were forced into motion right after I received the next text:

6:21PM

So whatcha doin tonight

Jesus Christ, someone get this man a cup of something, because he is SO THIRSTY! It's the same day, fam! I'm done, at this point, in case that wasn't clear. Ghost plan, activated.

Gonna go back to sleep. Not a good day for me.

R u ok

Been throwing up all day, along with the cold.

Ouch :(

Note: Barf is a surefire way to stop a guy from feeling frisky and the threat of being vomited on is enough to flatten many a man's thirsty ambitions. I received no further texts from him...

..That day.

Le sigh.