Having activated Ghost plans on the Saturday, I was able to move through Sunday, uneventfully.
Then Monday came. F*king Mondays.
I get this text:
Heyy how are you feeling
No answer. Ghosts don't answer texts. Tuesday:
Heyyy
I think he might be concerned, because the Y's are increasing. So, against my better judgment, I asked some of my friends what I should do. Keeping in mind that the majority of them have not been on a date in years. Several of them said I should send him a really nice, "I'm dumping you," message. Yes, because those worked out so well for me with The Hobbit. Others, suggested that I continue strong with the Ghost strategy and one very useless friend (she knows who she is) suggested that I tell him, "I like horses." I don't know if it's bad that my problem with the excuse wasn't that it was ridiculous; it was the fear that he might see me in the street one day and tell everyone within earshot that I was the girl who preferred bestiality to men... and that I might be stoned.
I joked with a friend that the more annoyed/concerned he got, the more Y's there would be in his heyyyyyyy. Probably gonna be 4 Y's tomorrow. Wednesday:
Heyyyy
I decided that ghosting wasn't working and that I needed to put an end to this before I got a text that was just Y's across the entire screen. It might have taken a month, but I think it would have gotten to that point. So, after a long conversation with myself, I decided that... I was pregnant.
I didn't wanna tell the guy that, since his bathroom selfie, I had come to find him unpalatable. I'm not cold-hearted like that. Besides, I had already laid the groundwork for this story with the vomiting the weekend before, so it wouldn't be that hard of a sell. I found a private spot and crafted the text. I'm lying, someone else did it. I don't do fluff texts very well. They did an alright job:
Hey, sorry I've been MIA for the last couple days. The sick feeling got worse and I was hospitalized for a while. They did some tests on me and found out that I was sick and exhausted because I'm pregnant. I think I need to take some time to focus on myself and my situation, and let the father know. I enjoyed getting to know you, but I don't think I can handle trying to start something new when I have just received this news, it wouldn't be fair to you. I'm really sorry and I wish the best in your search.
Not bad, eh? I would never have written this much, but it also probably wouldn't have come off very believable either. It would have just been something like, "I'm pregnant and the baby daddy says I can't talk to you no more." Or, even better yet, "New phone. Who dis?" Nah. Still kind of coldblooded. Check out what the man said:
It's ok
To bad I would a met you even if u r pregnant
I told him that he was sweet. And he was... or just really f*cking thirsty. Not sure yet, because a piece of pregnant ass is still a piece of ass. Amirite?
No further responses to that text. Profile blocked on POF, where I found him. Moving on. Mission accomplished... or not.
Would you believe this dehydrated fool created a new profile and found me again, on POF, a month later? I hadn't been online in a while, thankfully. Because what newly pregnant woman is checking her online dating messages. I happened to go online and look at who had viewed me (a little reverse creeping), and I noticed a picture that looked familiar. And my stupid-ass touched it.
In case you're unaware, and you shouldn't be, based on how I got myself to this point; POF will notify the user when someone views their profile as soon as you look at it. You can pay to not have this feature, but who has money for that? Now he knew that I looked at his new profile with my supposedly fat, pregnant finger.
So, I promptly deleted my entire POF profile.
Long story, short, I need new username for my new POF profile.
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