Mr. Holla-Holla-Holla

Ok, I'm sorry you guys. I know I've been gone for a hot minute but, I have two jobs now! I'm not complaining because I know there are people who haven't been blessed enough to find one job, nevermind two. Your girl is TIRED though.


Either way!! The voting has ended and apparently, you guys don't care what the hell I talk about. I can say whatever I want!!! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa!!! Fools. I'm joking. Wait, who was the jerk who said they wanted me to stay in my misery and keep dating?? Show yourself!! How rude!! I'm not changing the name of the blog for lack of a better name, sorry, I can't be bothered.


In celebration of the change to a general blog, I will grace you with one more story of my horrid dating experiences. Oh and this. I received what will possibly be one of my last messages from POF, because I can't stand the bullshit. In my message settings I stated that the sender has to have a photo on their profile in order to send me a message. So what POF does, is it will send me their profile picture and any other amount of other photos that they choose to upload to the message. Check the photos in this upload:

Profile Pic

Message: looking great my princess. Would love to get to know you sweet pie.

Additional Pic

Anybody else see the problem that I have with that message? Those two pics are supposed to be of the same guy!!! Nevermind the "sweet pie" part. See why I'm getting tired of this garbage?

Moving on. A while back I mentioned a bad experience that I had when I attempted to hook-up with a guy from my work. Like I said before, niggas is crazy!! I'm not gonna be able to fit this all in one post, lest I fall asleep on my laptop and liquid damage it with drool.
So, the man who shall henceforth be known as.... Mr. Holla-Holla-Holla was a man that I worked with at a certain bank. For those of you who don't get the joke in the name, watch the clip below. Trust me, the story will be funnier if you get the name.

So you get it now? Right. LMAO, funny ass stuff. OK, so Mr. Holla-Holla-Holla decided to add me to Facebook a loooong time before he decided to try and chat me up. I very rarely see this guy at work, but I do have to call his department several times a day though. Before this whole debacle went down, there was not one bad thing that any of my co-workers could say about this guy. They all sang nothing but sweet songs of praise and alluring mysteriousness for this fool and all his bilingual splendor. After, about 6 months of occasional conversations here and there on FB he starts coming on strong. Eventually, I provide the man with my Blackberry PIN because I am tired of communicating on FB messages.
In the beginning, he messaged me all day, everyday. From the time he knew I was up until the time that he went to bed. It was cute... for a while. While any smart woman knows that you can't expect to judge a connection properly from text/blackberry messaging alone, people can get busy in life and it has to suffice. But this guy. His conversational skills in text were lousy at best. I would try to strike up a conversation and he would snuff it right out, by accident. LOL. And the spelling!! Geesh!! Example:
Mr.HHH: What are you watching?
Jammy: A documentary on the No Child Left Behind act.
Mr.HHH: OK
He could have asked soooo many inquisitive questions or made an intellectual observation or gave his opinion on the matter.... instead I get bupkis to work with. Example #2:
Mr.HHH: That's a horrible case of self empalment
Really?!? You couldn't even get the root of the word right, to impale. I don't even remember what we were talking about but... My God man!! If you can't spell the word, spell check that garbage OR a second option.. don't use the word!! So imbaracing.. that's how you spell it right?
You think the conversation got any better once we spoke live on the phone? Think again. For a week and a half this man messages me all day. At work, at home, while I was out with friends, ALL DAY. One Sunday night, he tells me that he'll talk to me tomorrow and I tell him I have a baby shower to go to, so I won't be able to talk.
"That's okay," he says.
"But I won't have time to respond because I'm in charge of all the games at the shower."
"I'll still message you anyways."
Alrighty then. You know, he messaged me anyways!! About foolishness!! "Work is so boring", "I want to go home", "I'm tired" etc. I would not even dignify them with a response. This was the beginning of the end with him. Believe me, it only gets worse from here. Ttyl guys. Tomorrow, part 2, I swear.

VOTE OR DIE!! or live... you know, whatever.

Am I the only one who's sick of seeing Eharmony commercials on TV? How many times can you show the same/only 5 couples that you managed to "match"? If I had actually paid money for that service I would be sooooooo upset right now. I would dare them to come up with some kind of guarantee. I can honestly say that I have had, not ONE prospect of a man on either of the two sites I've been on.


Oh, okay. So POF has a feature on their site that lets you know when a person has actually read the message that you sent them. So it will either say "Read", "Unread", "Read/Deleted" or, the dreaded, "Unread/Deleted". 99% of the notes that are still in my inbox probably say "Read" on the other person's side. Soooo, inevitably there are those who write back and question why I read their message and didn't respond. Really? Do you actually want me to respond to that? I think it's kind of stalkerish of you to question my choices. What exactly am I supposed to say?



Dear Mr.Loser/Uncultured-Barbarian/I'm-Sure-You-Have-A-Nice-Personality:

(Please note your problem(s) below, more than one may apply)

1. I didn't respond because I find you hilarious, but not in a good way seeing as you were probably trying to be very serious. As a matter of fact, the only time I didn't laugh was at parts that were followed by "lol".
2. I find your profile remarkably offensive to women in that you call us "bytchz" or "hoes" or "hefers" in more than one place.
3. The fact that your profile pic is of you and some scantily clad woman whose face has been scratched out with MS Paint or a fingernail is disturbing to me.
4. The fact that your profile pic is of you and your... cat/dog/reptile all in your face or licking your face, is also disturbing to me.
5. You mentioned that you were on house arrest in your profile... like it was everybody's business. I'm gonna go ahead and pass, but I admire you're honesty.
6. If you scanned your pic from your passport and that is the only one you can find, I'm not interested in why you couldn't find ONE friend who had a digital camera that you could borrow.
7. All of your profile pics came from a webcam that look as though they were taken in a basement. Like, you don't leave the house? You don't see daylight? You're hiding from your wife in the basement!! Yes, that's it. No thanks.
8. English is not your first language, text messaging is. Note: POF is not on your phone and this EMAIL was not a text message.
9. I can tell you stole your profile pic from a MAGAZINE!! Really? That's just sad.
10. Did you just write "Laughing Out Loud" as opposed to writing lol? Like it makes you better than the guy in #8 cause you know what it stands for. Pretentious much?

Do you feel closure/understanding/anger now? I hope so. Happy fishing!!

PS: Next time, just assume I didn't respond cause I don't like you. Don't beg. It's not sexy, no woman likes that. Don't think that maybe there was some kind of malfuction in the system and my response got lost. You can't lose what was never sent. You're coming off as desparate. It's not a good look. Stop it.

I think I'll just copy and paste that with the problem #s in the subject line. What do you think? To direct? Not enough sugar-coating?